I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
