so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
you guys were way drunker than both of me
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you bring me the toilet please
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize