so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
