We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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