Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
