Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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