I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
