We got so high we made milksteak
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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