i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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