I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
