I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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