My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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