Sry I called you an 8
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
