dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
