don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
They have beer where we have blood.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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