If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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