please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
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can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
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if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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