God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
