so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
two words: eviction party
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Randomize
