I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
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It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
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Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
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