I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I just saw a hot homeless man
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
