happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
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He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
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yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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