I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
NoShamevember. You game?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
