Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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