hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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