My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
