lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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