is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
