just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
