Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I just googled if crying burns calories
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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