i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
