Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
