is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
