I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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