I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
