I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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