Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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