the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Randomize
