I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
