you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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