I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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