Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
