There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize
