Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
