Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
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At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
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You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
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