The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
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