If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
