I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
