I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
