Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
