My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
