You're my little dorito
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
