I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
