Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
