dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
