wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
