Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
