where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
