so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize
