He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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