i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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