He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
