Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
