I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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