I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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