We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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