This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
