Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
