Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize