Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
