He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
