My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
